"How's the dissertation going?"

One of these days, I'll write a dissertation. It'll probably take me a little while, and well intentioned people who don't know any better will probably ask me how the process is going.

In preparation for that day, I've already prepared a response that captures the same anxiety, induces the same guilt, and perhaps calls the same pain to mind.

Well meaner:"So how's your dissertation going?"
Sufferer:"Oh, it's going good! How about you? How's your dental health doing?"